What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 01:27
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why do good-looking men date homely women?
I think the readers, may guess!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
How can I stop overthinking and take action more quickly?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Do you think Trump is a bad a$$? Why or why not?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
How much should one budget to travel for 1 month generally?
I don,t even have a pension.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She loved him until the end.
☆ what's the thing that made u fell in love with your bias?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What are the main issues that have historically and currently divided Republicans and Democrats?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was very sick at this time too.
It was going to be , some day.
What do you do you do if your motorcycle chain snaps while riding on the highway?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
What was your most memorable experience catching a fraudulent car seller?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why should you never do drugs? Will this story absolutely shock you?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One cannot live in the past .
What will the legacy of Jimmy Carter be in light of his death today at 100?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But, we were locked up after school.
I was seconnd youngest,
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was 9 years of age.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She wouldn,t have been !
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I will be 64.
My life is so biszare .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was scared of men, in general
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
What did i know ?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My family never makes their pension either.
And i lived it daily.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We were not on the streets..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
This is soul school!.
She married twice! .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
When she asked me how she looked .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Especially a lifetime of it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We all went to grammer schools
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He knew the spot.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I said to her
Comes on , in middle age.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im still living with it.
Put me off passion for life!!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I waited trembling.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So, i spoilt her more .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She found it foreign!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Who then, do I blame.?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So whats the point in blame.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Would this be the day?
Was to survive, this bastard.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
(And it was in our own minds.)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Ive learnt so much.
I have no regrets .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was in good health!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I write beautiful poetry .
Why did i forgive my father ?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But it wasn’t much.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
All the time i was locked up.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!